All week I experience pregnancy symptoms and yet to take a test this morning to find it negative. Why would our bodies create within us a false hope of pregnancy so close to our periods?!? I dont understand!!! I was calm cool and collected this morning and finally start breaking down 30 minutes before I have to go to work. My stupid girly hormones are in full gear and I cannot stop! Why do I even care so much if I am pregnant or not?!? Its not like I dont have time to get financially stable and to prepare a place for our children! Why then do I crave to be a mother so badly?!? I just dont understand myself! I can see the logic but for some reason it doesn't make any difference. Every month since I've been married I have had worse and worse symptoms each round creating the false "hope" of becoming pregnant. I am sure though when the time is right I will conceive. Its not like were trying or anything its just if I'm pregnant then great lets move on but if I'm not then dont give me reason to think about it!!! I am tired of playing nice and proper. I am tired also of keeping my mouth shut and ignoring my feelings! People suck! I am just angry now, probably at the world and unfortunately everyone in it. Ever since I can remember I have had trouble placing trust in anyone but myself and sometimes God (when I give him the chance). I am stressed to the max and really dont know who to turn to but to who can really make a difference. I look though my phone list and no one on there will give me the same satisfaction as a good cry. I sound a lot like Jonah right now but you know what, maybe he had some girlish hormones running through him when he was stressed. He just didn't have a blogger account to get it all out! Thats not the end of the story just one item in a long list of stressors. I just have to leave for work in literally two minutes. I just had to get it out. I feel much better now well kinda...
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