Learning With My Life

I have a fantastic husband, a wonderful home, a reliable car, a job, clothes in my closet (whether they fit or not is another issue all together), food in my pantry, and overall stability. How can I still feel like I am missing a huge chunk of something great with all of the many many blessings I have been given? Over the past few months I have realized that there is no one I can earnestly trust in this world. I even have my own spiritual issues with trusting in God who by the way continues to show provision and stability day after day and yet I still struggle with trusting Him. What has caused me to allow myself to be so open with others and then naive enough to think they would reciprocate the feelings of genuine love and effort that I place into the relationship. It has to be a learning disability of some sort. Lets face it, the last few blogs I have written have all been focused on one thing, friendship or the lack there of. I genuinely miss having a friend I know I can count on to be there for me through anything. Whether that be in my overly emotional days or in my more sane and collected days. It literally takes my breath away when I come face to face with the feeling of loss that I have endured in this past year. I lost a pregnancy, the last of my friends, and all the comforts of my church home. On the outside I am strong and well put together, on the inside I am a complete mess that only God could love.